I Don’t Know Anyone Whom I Could Talk To

I would like to share this because I don’t know anyone whom I could talk to and I don’t think guidance counselors are of that much help. This post is kind of long. It’s up to you if you want to read it or not. So here it goes.

I can’t remember when it all started. All I remember is that I grew up in a family where chaos was inevitable. I had a drunkard for a father and a very submissive (and not in a good way) mother. This composed most of my nights of screaming, crying and seeing my mother get beat up. We were all in the same room because we were living with a relative (We’re a poor family. Well, we wouldn’t be if my father didn’t use much of it on alcohol). This continued for years until my mom and dad got separated. Life got better in some ways.

I lived with my mom while my father lived with his brother. I see my dad regularly and he pays for my education. We weren’t financially stable because my grandma used much of our money gambling. There would even be days when we can’t buy enough food for a day. There would be days wherein my mom and dad fight over expenses because my father refused to help us in different ways.

He thinks paying my tuition is enough (w/c was okay with me, btw). Blah blah blah. My uncle lost his job so he and his son moved in. I never saw my uncle as an adult. He was very irresponsible. He kept on borrowing money from my mom and spending it on useless stuff. My grandparents never changed. They use the money allotted for food for gambling. My father lost his job 2 years ago but he still does his ‘obligation’ which was to pay for my tuition fee. He gets the money through his mom.

So right now, I’m stressed physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. I’m tired with school works, exams and professors. I know it’s every student’s complain but in my defense, I really don’t see the point in putting most of my efforts in studying anymore because I don’t know if I’m going to be studying in ust next semester. I don’t know if I’ll be studying at all. Though, I am still thankful that I got the chance to study in ust.

My father doesn’t know where to get the money anymore because he still doesn’t have a job. My mother can’t help either because all her money goes to the bills, the house and for food. What I wrote is only a small fraction of what I really am experiencing and feeling right now. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to feel. I’m just so tired.
To those people who comment non-sense statements, comment all you want. I might not be here the moment this gets posted.

University of Santo Tomas

Left Behind

Left Behind

I started as your confidant, a platonic friend who constantly listens to your problems. I was at first aloof of your constant messages, and persistence of opening a conversation. Avoiding you is my way of rejection, because I can't befriend you. Then came one day, I got tired of your little hi’s and realized that you might just need a friend who isn’t part of your clique.
You opened up everything to me, from academic problems, family misunderstandings, how your day went, and relationship issues. It seems like I was your diary, a friend who listens and advices the way you need it. I tried to understand everything you shared with me, and kept them in a chamber behind my mind where no one can unlock it. I slowly became your confidant, your adviser, and your best friend.

Gradually, I became part of your circle and your friends knew me as well. Until I suddenly notice some difference. Your looks became intimate, our conversations got deeper, the time we spent together became longer, and we got out of the circle and went on our own- just the two of us. People around us started to doubt what are we, and I also begin to find my place. Who am I to you? What are we? What is this kind of feeling? These dilemmas gave me hell, until I decided to confront you. You honestly told me that we are something more, that you will fool yourself if you told me that we are just merely friends. Hearing those words coming directly from you suddenly freaks me. I was alarmed, knowing that this thing isn’t right.

So I sent you away, saying that you just misconceive the feelings you felt for me. We just spent more time together than we should, and we just got used to each other’s presence. You told me that you will fix things for me, but I didn’t hold on to that. I’ve told you to work things out, because it is the right thing to do. My presence is just giving you a crux to decide on, and I shouldn’t be in this situation in the first place anyway. We slowly drifted away, and live our lives before we met.
A few months passed, and I didn’t hear anything from you. That made me feel relieved, and told myself that I made the right decision, and said the right words. But you came back, telling me that the thing you previously had was already gone. You have decided to end the toxic relationship you had, telling me that your efforts weren’t reciprocated, and things can’t work out anymore. You told me that you continuously thought about me, and asked me to give it a try. You promised me that I can now hold on to you, things will be right, and you don’t want me to go. I saw the sincerity in your eyes, and I believed in you.

Things went smoothly for the two of us, were just purely happy together and it is evident with our smiles. People around us are happy too, like they’ve already expected this to come. Being with you is my happiest, and your efforts made me fall even more. You are showing me to the world like you are too proud to have me, you held me like you don’t want to let me go, your eyes smiles with your heart by just looking at me, and your kisses tastes like cotton candy. My happiness is overflowing, and I can’t find the right words to explain how this love drives me crazy.
One day you dropped by to send me some sweets to indulge in, and said good luck before driving home. It was one of those random days that your thoughtfulness makes my day, but I was unaware that it will also be the last sweet thing you’ll do for me.

A sudden jolt pinched my nerves after reading your message that night, telling me that you are already ending the thing between the two of us. I was dumbfounded; I don’t know how to react, I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to feel at that moment. You later told me that you didn’t really broke up, and you were given a last chance to choose. And you did not choose me.
I questioned myself, my decisions, my actions, and my heart for betraying me like this. I was wondering what went wrong, until I realized that it was all wrong from the very start. I should have chosen my battles, because this is the kind of game I could never really win. I don’t have the right to fight at all. I felt helpless. I felt used. I was completely unaware of what’s happening, and I don’t have the intentions to wreck someone else’s feelings. But I still did.

It’s been months now, but it seems like it was just yesterday; haunting me like I am a criminal. I can’t describe the kind of pain I am feeling every time I accidentally heard your name, and it seems like you are everywhere I go. I should be okay by now, but I am not. I can’t find my way back to be happy again, because this emptiness is slowly killing me. The struggle is real, and I’m recovering very slow. I was left behind without a decent goodbye, and it appears to be like I was just some kind of a regret; a mistake that you want to undo. That I don’t even deserve and explanation for everything that had happen. It’s so unfair.

I keep feeding my mind that I will get through this, that you just came into my life and went away to make me stronger. I have been in a wrong situation, but that shouldn’t make me less of a person of who I really am. I am having a hard time coping up, but instead of giving myself false hopes, I hope that you are already happy and you won’t need another me. I’m hoping for the happiness of us both, it just takes time for me to get there. Maybe you would have stayed if I haven’t left you first. It is truly painful to be left like this, and to be judged by people around me not knowing what had happen.

But I’m trying my best to be strong and move forward, because life doesn’t end here.
I know you will soon figure out that I wrote this for you, and at that moment I hope I have already forgiven you.

Faculty of Arts and Letters
University of Santo Tomas

Wedding Day

Wedding Day

The night before, I couldn't contain my happiness, so I texted you:

Me: See you tomorrow, Ken :)
Him: Yes, see you in your wedding dress, my beautiful bride :)

Wedding Day: I saw you right there, so dapple in your tailor-made suit, standing tall amidst the crowd, waiting at the altar. The wedding singer started singing, it's our favorite song "Runaway" by The Corrs. It was my cue to walk down the aisle.

Everyone was smiling, one look at their faces, alam kong masaya sila. Habang papalapit ako, flashbacks of our memories together came in my mind. The 7 years of our relationship, before this unforgettable day, the ups and downs of our life, our future, on how many kids we wanted to have, where to settle, the promises and the life that we are going to live for a lifetime. But, I noticed, you were crying.

Were those tears of joy? Why? I asked myself. Pagdating ko sa dulo ng altar, you held my hand and hugged me so tight. And whispered, "I Love you, Scar, always will."

Then you gave my hand to him, your bestfriend. That day, I married your bestfriend.

The Bride 
Faculty of Philosophy 2008
University of Santo Tomas

Last Shot At Saying Goodbye

Last shot at saying goodbye

The thoughts that you are about to read came from the remaining bits of your remains flowing through my nerves. I am pouring it all out for reasons you will never know.

Mo, it was nice of you being and bearing with me for a little bit more than half a decade. I had a great time with you after all that we have been through and all that I have gone through. Maybe we were just destined to meet, fall, and leave each other behind though we know that I was the only one who was left in the dark because you found her. You even had her though we were still together. You were so in love with the idea of being with her while we were in a relationship that for two years or more, you craved so much of her that you lost your mind and slowly became the person you never wanted to be, the person you are now. But we all have our own decisions to make. It was just that, you chose to cut me open, tear me down, and leave me blank.

I took a lot of your time. Those times when we truly loved, and cared, and longed for each other while having her as your best friend and as my friend. Those times that you could have been with her but you were with me. "Have fun na lang being pabebe dahil wala nang makakapigil sayo". smile emoticon

And to his UST girl, when he says he loves you, believe in him. When he says he misses you, believe in him. He really does. He is more than willing to prove it to you. He will do and drop anything to make you stay. As far as what I have discovered, girl, he really is into you. Your decisions of getting close to him, seeing him everyday, letting him go to your place, even letting him do your school works, dating him and a lot more while knowing that he still had a girl friend made all the pain he felt decrease exponentially.

There's much more to say but this is all that I can comprehend.
Good bye for now and ever.

PS. Our time has ended long before it has even started.
College of Engineering
University of Santo Tomas

Dear Girls

Girls, what makes you decide to wear any of the three and not the other two on any given day: pants, skirts or shorts?

Pardon my ignorance, but I notice there are some girls who seem to just be so random in their choice of clothing. On some days, pants are worn. Sometimes, skirts, and sometimes, shorts.
Of course in places with winter, girls may be inclined for pants. We are in the equator, so girls usually are inclined for skirts or shorts.

To further explain my question like say one day a girl decides to wear a skirt. Why particularly a skirt rather than shorts? The next day the girl wears shorts. Why shorts rather than a skirt? Assume the weather on both days is fairly the same.

I've seen something like this happen to a Theo partner. The next day she was wearing pants. Doesn't she find it hot? We did not meet in any air conditioned places. The places in which we met had relatively the same temperature, were not indoors and were met by the same weather.

Unlike guys, I think girls take longer in choosing their clothing so I guess their choice of clothing is for the most part, not random." A gay (but a little bi) male who is ignorant on how girls choose their clothing. 

Ateneo De Manila University

Happy Birthday Dad! With Dad Jokes

After going to the church, Me and my dad was talking , then suddenly --

Dad: Where's Leah?
Me: the hell I give a damn about Leah? Who's Leah? Dad!
Dad: na-SALUNGGA (Laughs to death)
Me: HE-HE-HE-HE, four little laughs.,Father.

While driving **

Dad: I have a joke, baby.
Me: dad -__- Im a man now.
Dad: Man, I have a joke.
Me: what is it, dad?
Dad: where's Aiza?
Me: stop it dad, Im driving.
Dad: ask me or i'd freeze your account
Me: oh, Where is she?
Me: ugh Dad -__-


With mom
Dad: what do you call a Place where a Patis is made?
Me: dad stop it, quotang quota ka na ngayong birthday mo. Hahaha.
Dad: just answer it
Me: ahm, Patis factory?
Dad: no
Me: wht?
Dad: PATISserie


HAHA! Happy birthday dad! Pagtyagaan mo nang yang gift ko sayo. Tsaka, eh wag na masyado korni ha? Iwas iwas din kase kay Ryan Rems tsaka sabihin mo kay mommy wag manuod ng Aldub kase magkatabi yang tv nyo tapos halo halo yung sound, Yes! Olrayt! Happy bday tatay! Labyu.

- BabyBoyNyo
Ateneo de Manila University

I Love You Dude

we're both big and bulky.

we're gym buds. i even assist you when you're lifting 310lbs in your bench press...in return, you have the best massage i'd ever experienced.lalo na dude yung lingga massage mo..whoo!! Sobrang ok dude! You even massage my thing...and i also did the same thing on you. Nice dude, maybe we're meant for each other..haha.

i love you dude wink emoticon kiss emoticon

- John Cena
Ateneo de Manila University